Sex as Icky
Where do we learn that sex is an icky thing? Something we shouldn’t talk about, think about, or even dream about without shame creeping into every cell of our bodies.
Well, as little girls we get this message just about everywhere we go. Tell me you can’t relate to sex talk being shunned at school, or forbidden at your place of worship, or scandalized in circles of your young girlfriends as “naughty, bad, or not lady like.”
We internalize through our daily experience in social environments, and especially within our families of origin, that sex is a taboo topic. It’s a kinda icky thing that you do with only one long-term committed partner in ‘marriage’… and that if you struggle with it, you deal with… by yourself.
Mixed messages from media can mix us up even more - reminding us not to sexualize women, but seeing hypersexualized photos and videos on just about every screen and billboard in our vicinity.
What to do with all this? Besides feeling confused, unsure of yourself, and grabbing for the first article that talks about sex in a semi normal way… you’re not sure where to go from here.
The Good News
Thank goodness, yes - there is good news! And that is that you are absolutely NOT ALONE. Nope. You’re not alone in this struggle. Many women are trying to figure out their sexual relationship with a partner, and themselves, to no avail. And are feeling just as helpless as you have/ are.
Plus, the other great news is this - you don’t have to do this alone. Even though you have not yet found a place on this planet that you’ve felt comfortable really openly sharing your ‘personal sex story’ - it’s time for you to walk through the doors that will open you to a whole new way of interacting with your sexual partner, and embracing the healthy, vibrant sexuality that’s already within you.
With these 2 tools, and joining us for our Sacred Sex Gathering, you’ll be on track to forming an improved relationship with sex - so you can feel freer, lighter, and more deeply connected in your romantic encounters.
The 2 Tools
Now for the good stuff. The juicy stuff. P.S. Trigger warning - if something could come up that is re-traumatizing for you, I recommend the following:
- Do this activity close to your next therapy appointment
- Call and set up your first therapy appointment
- Ask a friend, or family member who you fully trust to be there while you write, or be available for a phone call/ meet up if needed
- Write a list of ideas you will try if you need to have healthy distraction from memories or anything coming up in your body - including breathing, movement, grounding exercises, etc etc.
Tool #1: Re-write your sex story.
- Yes, you heard me right. What if you’ve never written your sex story? No problem. Time to start today.
- Try typing it. Or writing in a journal.
- Go back to the first memory you have of being a “sexual being,” and then take it from there… the first version may be more ‘negative.’ But the intention behind this is to shift the story into one that feels Empowering - a story where you are the heroine; you are the protagonist that finds yourself stronger, more confident, and more authentically powerful from the experiences that have shaped your life.
- I believe that you can do this. It may take a few tries. Or maybe more. But I ask you to be patient with yourself, and the process. And if it feels too hard, I ask you not to do it alone - but with support from someone who will kindly remind you of the resilient, amazing woman that you are. No matter what.
Tool #2: Share your story.
- Yup. You may feel open, ready, even excited for this step of your journey. Or maybe you feel a bit terrified, scared, and pretty dang uncomfortable about it. Either way, you’re doing it right.
- Who could you share this with? A close friend, or companion. A trusted mentor who always has your back. A family member who has been through something similar (definitely ask permission here to bring up the topic before inviting them to participate in this with you). A therapist. Or someone who just really gets you.
- Whoever you choose, please choose wisely. This needs to be someone who can hold space for deep, and sometimes dark feelings, and be okay with that. Someone who makes you feel seen, heard, and understood - rather than victimized, broken, or pitied.
- You don’t have a person? No worries. You can, and you will find one.
- You deserve to be supported. Understood. Loved. Cared about. Listened to. Acknowledged. Freed from the baggage you’re carrying in your brain, and your body.
Come Be With Us
Alright - you see clearly that your time for this healing work is right now. There’s nothing holding you back except the fear of the unknown. And who doesn’t have at least a little fear around that?
We are meeting - in a small intimate circle of women - to share our empowered sex stories. To take off the masks that say we’re supposed to have this romantic thing all perfectly figured out already, and just be real with ourselves, and each other.
We are sharing - vulnerably, and honestly what our struggles have been, and our dreams of where we hope to go.
We are encouraging - we will leave this hour and 15 minutes feeling as though we’ve transformed our stories as a collective. Like we have sacredly healed a part of us that secretly, or openly needed a big warm hug.
This is the time to Be Brave. I see you as Courageous. And Forgiving. As Fierce. And Capable. I know who you are.
And that’s a women who has Healthy, Vibrant Sexuality inside you craving to come out and play!
Feel free to register right here, or express your interest in attending - right now for the Sacred Sex Gathering. * Friday, April 27, 2018 from 7:00 PM- 8:15 PM + Location Soon To Be Announced. *
Limited spots available (to ensure an intimate experience).
First come, first reserved.
Your partner will understand (nope, you don’t need to have a partner). Your kids can have a playdate (no, you do not have to be a mom). Your friends will come with you (of course, you can do this on your own).
It’s time to do this for YOU. And yes, I totally recommend bringing a girlfriend!
Let’s heal ourselves, so we can heal the world.